self-doubt

What is it with those demons? The inner and outer critics that keep circling inside my brain.

That nagging little voice inside that taunts you. “Who are you trying to kid?” it whispers. “You don’t have what it takes, that’s not you, you are doomed to mediocrity.” Or the resonating comments of a former teacher telling me that my work is uninteresting and nobody cares.

It’s so hard to move past these, to let go and change my thought patterns. This is my brain and my fabrication. The truth is, they aren’t reality until I acquiesce. Yet, I am, at times paralyzed. I second-guess and doubt my abilities and content. I hide and procrastinate. I know all of this, my rational brain is aware, yet I am stymied.

I tell myself, “imagine, if I had confidence and believed in myself, what I could accomplish.” Others apparently do, until I talk them out of it! “Oh, no no, I couldn’t possibly!”

Recently I vowed I’d just say “yes” to every future opportunity that came my way. I didn’t grow up a “yes”-girl. I heard a lot of “no’s” as a kid. I worked hard in my 20’s challenging myself trying to shake off “the fear”. And yet, here I am again, somehow back in this skin, feeling anxious and terrified.

Hmmm, I just googled this subject! Seems I’m not the only one afflicted by this dis-ease. Ok, some comfort there. So, in future, I will accept that doubt is part of my human experience and create in spite of it! I think it boils down to doing something because you love doing it not as a means to garner praise. So I will do what I love and find a catchy song to drown out my brain!!