clarity

Trying to clear the fog from my brain. Where did it all go wrong? I used to have a very strong sense of who I was and what I had to say. Right now I’m lost. I’m grasping at straws and ideas but nothing resonates.

Time travelling back, remembering those moments in my life when I KNEW with every ounce of my being who I was and that I was doing exactly what I was put on this planet to do. The universe gave me winks and nods and my confidence was high. What did my art look like then, what was I saying?

It was very personal. It came from a vulnerable place within and exposed me. It was quite raw and honest. The years of academia and some harsh critics were yet to have their effect. It was prior to the painting ”teacher” in NYC who bluntly told me “no one cares what you have to say”. Prior to the rhetoric and conceptualism we had to wrap ourselves in to justify our creations in art school. It was purely a form of expression, an attempt to communicate visually, to emote.

It was in these years, that I received some high honours and awards. It was in these years that I felt respected and valued........and then somewhere along the way I lost it. I’ve spent the past 10 years trying to retrace my steps and figure out where it went or how I let it get away. Wasted energy. I see that now. I let a visiting artist in the role of teacher trample me. It happened. But it doesn’t define me. In the grand scheme it has no meaning. Time to let go.

So that brings me back to personal expression. I am a visual artist, I communicate visually. What am I wanting to say.
“I’m lost”
And there it is, the vision, as clear as day in my mind’s eye.
Beautiful and poetic and very much me.
Exhale with relief and inhale with jubilation!
I’m back!!!